Antisemitism Is Pervasive and Ubiquitous Throughout Universe, Says Jewish Physicist

Dr. Franck Einshtein, Director of Harvard University’s Jeffrey Epstein Institute for the Investigation of Fundamental Physical Forces, has announced the discovery of a fifth fundamental force, which he terms the antisemitism force.

“Until this morning, it was believed that the universe is shaped by only four fundamental forces: gravity, electromagnetism, the strong nuclear force, and the weak nuclear force. But my team has discovered a crucially important fifth force: antisemitism!” Dr. Einshtein enthused at a hastily-arranged Epstein Institute press conference.

Einshtein explained that many of the universe’s deepest mysteries can only be explained by invoking the antisemitism force as a fundamental constant of nature. “How can it possibly be that wherever Jews go, they are hated by their neighbors for no reason at all? How can horrific conflicts have erupted so often between Jews and non-Jews, even though Jews have never done anything to anybody?” Citing Hamas’s completely unprovoked attack on Israel last October 7th, Einshtein noted that Jews had come to Palestine only to be nice to Palestinians and give them land and money and help them plant olive trees and build mosques and hospitals, and look at how they repay us.