Ace Wall Street denizens who double the value of their clients’ investments are bush league compared to the financial genius who heads a remote country called Azerbaijan. His name is Ilham oglu Aliyev. The country (established in 1918) he rules with corrupt and bloody hands is younger than Coca-Cola. Dictator Aliyev’s wealth is estimated at $11 billion. His salary? $104,612. The Midas of Baku hasn’t attended investment classes but whatever he touches turns into gold. In fact, his whole family (wife, two daughters, and son) boast a similar golden touch. The Azeris handed dictator Pinocchio 94.49% of their forced votes in 2010 and improved on that dismal statistic by upping it to a resonant 96.7 % in the 2015 sham elections. Because the Aliyevs are a close-knit family, father Aliyev appointed wife Mehriban Aliyeva vice-president and deputy chair of the ruling New Azeri Party. In case nasty minds hinted nepotism, Mehriban proved she was not just a Woman of Thousand Facelifts by founding the Azerbaijan Heritage magazine although she had zip journalism background. The fact that Azerbaijan has no heritage other than looting Armenians and oppressing other ethnic minorities is a challenge which does not faze the woman who is frequently confused with her two daughters thanks to her annual plastic surgery facelifts. Following in her mother’s glorious path, daughter Leyla edits Baku magazine. But all things come to an end.
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Today, the Aliyevs and hangers-on are huddled in the lounge of a remote military airport. One can cut the tension in the air with a yataghan sword.
Ilham: We don’t have much time. The Azeri rebels have defeated the army and taken Baku. They’re headed here. We thought we would fly an hour ago, but the pilot of the Super Hercules says it’s too heavy for take-off. We have to remove some of the goods we were hoping to take with us. Tell me which one of your possessions you want removed. The number-one items are the cars because they’re heavy.
Heydar Jr.: I want my Maserati Ghibli and Ferrari GTC4Lusso to stay on board. Let Leyla remove her Alfa Romeo Giulia and Maserati Gran Turismo. They are wasted on her: She can drive only automatic shift.
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