Well, Super Bowl LVIII is over. Congratulations to the Kansas City Swifties on a hard-fought victory over the San Francisco … Pelosi’s? Poop maps? We don’t know. It was a long game, boring at times, but with an exciting overtime finish. Just like Roger Goodell scripted it. (Oops. Did we say that part out loud?)
But we know what everyone really tuned in for. The commercials, of course. Companies paid $7 million a pop for 30 seconds of ad time this year. For some, it was money well spent. For others … ehhh, not so much. But we will say, we think this year had more hits than misses, and there was very little ‘woke’ to be found. That wasn’t an accident. Madison Avenue saw what happened to Bud Light in the past year and LOTS of ads went with counterprogramming to that. Again, some did it better than others.
So, with that in mind, we want to hand out some awards for Super Bowl commercials. Awards that we just made up. Let’s re-live some of the good, some of the bad, and some of the ‘WTF were you thinking?’ in this year’s crop of Super Bowl commercials.
The Jean-Luc Picard Heisman Trophy Award: Paramount+ and Paramount Mountain
This was the first Super Bowl ad we saw this year (Twitchy wrote about it almost 10 days ago) and it had us — and all of social media — rolling. We’re not sure if it was Patrick Stewart dressed up in his old-timey uniform, Thomas Lennon’s Creed tramp stamp, or just the appearance of Creed themselves, but this was damn funny.
The ‘See? We’re Cool so Please Stop Boycotting Us’ Award: Bud Light
We’re a little surprised that Bud Light even bothered with a Super Bowl commercial this year. The brand is complete trash and even attempts to forgive Bud Light from the right have been justifiably mocked. And it doesn’t help that Bud Light’s ‘genie’ looks like a 1970s amateur porn star. Plus, the commercial completely wastes Peyton Manning, who is actually really good at these commercials.
Hey, Bud Light: if you want to grant wishes, how about granting the world’s wish that you apologize to everyone for Dylan Mulveney and insulting your customer base.
The ‘Please Don’t Associate Us With Bud Light’ Award: Budweiser
We don’t really feel bad for Budweiser, they’ve gone woke too, but it is glaringly obvious that the original brand is doing everything it can to distance itself from its light beer sister brand. Budweiser brought back the Clydesdales this year (which they had previously retired), brought back a dog (and a yellow lab at that, the best of all dogs), set the entire commercial in red-state America, and threw in a beloved, recognizable Americana classic rock song.
It screams of desperation but … it also really works. The tried-and-true classics usually do. (We’re still not going to buy any of their beer though.)
The ‘Oh Look: Suddenly They Know What a Woman Is’ Award: Dove
Dove brands have gotten themselves into a lot of trouble recently on social media with their promotion of the woke gender cult. So much so, that ‘Shut up, soap’ has become a common reply to anything the brand says about transgenderism online. They must be feeling the heat because their Super Bowl ad this year is a celebration of tough, strong-willed young girls in sports set to ‘It’s a Hard Knock Life’ from Annie. And wouldn’t you know it? There’s not a single boy pretending to be a girl in the ad.
We’re tempted to give them credit, but we know that as soon as the Super Bowl spotlight is over, they’ll go right back to promoting ‘gender-affirming care’ and men in womanface. Plus, their soap is ridiculously expensive, which kind of doesn’t help in the Bidenomics disaster…