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The Time I Caught Eliot Spitzer With His Pants Down

By Allan Stevo

 

“The Cronut — a reminder of why you just need to ignore the sheep.”

Once upon a time, I was a proper New Yorker. I hardly left my neighborhood without good cause. It was hard to get me above 14th Street unless something truly special was going on. I hardly noticed the rats or the grime that covered downtown Manhattan, though both were everywhere.

Other weeks, I would be in all five boroughs over the course of a few days — yes, even Staten Island.

I would keep an eye on my neighborhood and knew my neighbors. I had waiters, bartenders, managers, and friends who were glad to see me and could open a few doors when I needed doors opened. I knew how to get from my downtown apartment and onto a plane in under 45 minutes. I knew how to get cross-town during taxi cab shift change even when it rained. I liked watching things work, which meant I knew a lot of building superintendents and talked to cops, garbage men, construction workers, and taxi drivers every chance I got. Guys who know how things work spend a lot of time making fun of people who do not seem to know how anything works — such as the trend followers and the chattering classes. By virtue of spending time with guys like that, that meant I also heard about all the latest goofy trends, of which New York was in no short supply. 

 

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