The Federalist The core problem is that nice guys’ self-sacrifice is rooted in a falsehood. It’s not motivated by strength or obedience to God — it’s motivated by insecurity and fear.
For years, I’ve watched men in the Church try to gain respect by being nice and fail miserably. They serve, they sacrifice, they bend over backward to please everyone around them, especially their wives. But it doesn’t lead to the life they expected.
Instead of respect, they get resentment. Instead of admiration, they get indifference. They’re overlooked, not honored. Their efforts go unnoticed, their sacrifices unappreciated. These are the so-called “nice guys.” And understanding what drives them is key to understanding why so many Christian men feel lost, ineffective, and ashamed.
One of the most helpful frameworks I’ve come across for diagnosing this is Robert Glover’s No More Mr. Nice Guy. While it wasn’t written for a Christian audience, it’s clear-eyed about what’s going on in men’s lives. Glover describes what he calls “Nice Guy Syndrome,” a way of living where a man believes: If I’m good, people will love me, meet my needs, and life will go smoothly. It’s a covert contract — one that only exists in his mind, and one that no one else agreed to.
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