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BREAKING! Netanyahu Claims Iranian Missiles Raped Women and Beheaded Babies

Biden says he saw the videos

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has accused Iran of “weaponizing sexual violence” by using  enormous, tumescent phallic-shaped missiles to “engage in the widespread and systematic rape of Israeli women.” Netanyahu claimed, without presenting evidence, that the missiles were programmed with sophisticated software enabling them to perform mass rapes with unprecedented efficiency and brutality. “The Iranian missile force has used widespread and systematic rape as a weapon of war. We will respond by exterminating the seed of Amalek!” the Prime Minister shouted.

The visibly unhinged Israeli leader also accused Iran of using its missiles to “behead 40 babies” and “rip fetuses out of pregnant women’s bellies and eat them.”  Though Netanyahu did not explain how the missiles could eat the babies, President Joe Biden quickly echoed the Prime Minister’s charges in a nationally televised address, adding that he had seen videos of Iranian missiles greedily devouring fetuses and headless infants.

Netanyahu also said that another Iranian missile was designed to land, expand into a gas chamber, and lure Jews to their deaths by scattering trails of counterfeit shekels leading straight into what appeared to be a shower room with a malfunctioning ATM machine. “The diabolical cunning of such an ethnic-specific extermination weapon shows how uniquely evil the Iranians are,” Netanyahu claimed. “They know that Jewish DNA contains a gene for ‘if I don’t steal it, someone else gonna steal it.’”

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