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Don’t Laugh: Here’s How Joe Could Pull Off a ‘Heroic’ Escape from the Brutal 2024 Campaign


It’s almost time for presidential candidates to sprint to the finish line in the 2024 race for the White House. Runners-up will walk away with a t-shirt and a sippy cup. Joe Biden’s already wearing the right shoes. He won’t be able to sprint in his Naturalizers, but there’s one way he could walk away — albeit stiffly — with a remnant of dignity and a great, though apocryphal, story for the family history books.

Now there are many ways that Joe could be tossed from the 2024 race. He could be unceremoniously blown out at his own Antifa convention in Chicago and replaced. His doctors could run out of that go-juice cocktail they fill him with before big events and he could implode more than usual in front of a huge crowd. Or he could leave like a family hero with some semblance of his dignity intact.

Some worry about Joe if he retires from public life. Look, if he gets out of the race he’ll be fine. For 50-plus years in politics, Joe would walk away with lovely parting gifts — and I’m not just talking about the ones he and Jill will steal from the White House and store next to the Corvette in the garage. Speaking of which, is he even allowed to drive that beautiful car anymore? Or is it now just Hunter’s ashtray?

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