pjmedia.com
I am not a big country music fan, definitely when it comes to anything after oh, say, 1994. But there is one song that stands out, a timeless classic sung by David Allen Coe: “You Never Even Called Me by My Name.” At the end of the song, Coe mentions that it was written by a friend, Steve Goodman, and was sent to him as an example of the perfect country-western song. Coe wrote back that it was not, since it contained no references to momma, trains, prison, rain, or getting drunk. Goodman then added the final verse:
I was drunk the day my mom got out of prison
And I went to pick her up in the rain
But before I could get to the station in my pickup truck
She got runned over by a damned ol’ train
With that in mind — well, that and the fact that it is getting close to the end of the year and I’m tired — I decided to write the Perfect News Story for 2022. And it goes something like this:
During Twitter Dump #753, Elon Musk revealed that Donald Trump was canceled after a raid on Mar-a-Lago showed that his latest NFT cards featuring Harry and Meghan were confiscated by the FBI, which was too busy undergoing gender-reassignment surgery, forcing random strangers to be vaccinated for COVID, and kicking down a pro-lifer’s door to comment. Sam Bankman-Fried, who was negotiating to add the NFTs to his latest IPO, declined to make a statement since he was in the middle of changing his nationality to Guatemalan in order to return to the U.S. when Title 42 expires. He explained this in a TikTok video while twerking to the latest release by Lizzo, thereby providing the Chinese government with the data it needs to buy Rhode Island.
